I'm sitting in my bedroom right now with music in my ears, and one of my favorite candles lit. I've decided to write this blog in here just because this is where I'm at my
most comfortable. MY room. The only place I can just relax and let myself think. Besides
my car, of course. I'm kind of at a loss at what to listen to right now. Muse is currently in
my ears, but I don't think I'll listen to this for long.
I learned something about myself. I think I get slightly scared when people
ask me about myself. I'm frightened when people want to know about me. I think the
reason being is that it's not something I'm used to. Like I really know my friends. I knowww
them. However, only a couple have taken the time to ask me questions about me. Have actually
taken the time to figure out who I am as a person. And you know that rare connection you can
have with someone? I've only experienced that once. That one connection that you can't really
explain.
This is definitely a different thought process tonight. I normally try to think with logic, but right now, I don't even care about logic. I'm only going with what my feelings and emotions are telling me. My emotions scare me. I don't like to think with them. Emotions can lead you to irrational, stupid thoughts.... But... it can also lead you to a better understanding to what is
around you. It has it's pros and cons. I feel that if I made decisions based off emotion, I would
end up getting hurt. Not in any specific area of life, but just in general. My feelings make me
more vulnerable as a person, and I don't like that. I don't reveal my emotions well. I don't vent
well. I don't cry well. Trust me: if I went with what my heart went with, I would be a completely
different person.
I don't want to be judged for this blog. I'm only being completely honest. This
is a side of me that rarely comes out, or, at least, for others to see. The vulnerable Hillary that is scared of her own thoughts. I'm just not sure what I'm thinking right now. I mean,
I just went on a tangent. I completely lost the concept of this blog. That ought to tell you something. My focus is shot. My poor fingers are getting bitten like there's no tomorrow. That's how fast my thoughts are racing.
*exhales*
No comments:
Post a Comment