I Don't Care like the Honey Badger

            I am currently on a small break at school. Today was one of those days where I just didn't care at all. Because of this lazy attitude, I may or may not be wearing sweat pants that could almost be called pajama pants. Not quite... but almost. I am just too tired to care. I mean LOOK AT MY FACE.

  
             I swear that is the derpiest face EVER. Hot mess. Hot mess right there. It's okey day though because I'm getting my work done, and I really don't care how I look.

             So this weekend, I'm driving back down to Houston because this girl's got to go vote for President for the first time ever. This election needs to hurry up and be done with because I can't stand seeing anymore people on my Facebook wall fighting over politics. People take politics so seriously that they are willing to risk their friendships over it. I mean, don't get me wrong... I've watched my share of news and read my share of political science books, but debating with people who are set in their own political ways is pointless. You're not going to change their minds. Trust me... I've tried. Doesn't work. I gave up on that a long time ago. Maybe I've wised up a little bit as I've gotten older. I don't know. A few years ago, I was very vocal about my political beliefs. I've calmed down on it since then though.

            What else is going on in my life? Hmmmm, well, all A's in school so far. I've been studying like I'm dying tomorrow. Next week, I'm going camping for the weekend. That should be nice to be out in the fall air for a couple of days. I love the outdoors, as you probably know. Ummm, I'm still working on trying to grow my man beard out, as you can see in the photo. It's coming along very nicely. Yep. That's about it, people.

          If you were looking for something deep from Hillary today, today is not the day...

                                        XD

*Blank Stare*

                            Ugh.

           I could probably leave this post just like that, but I figured that wouldn't be very entertaining to you all. Why am I saying "ugh"? I don't know even know. That's the dumb reason. I'm not mad. I'm not hurt. I'm not sad. In fact, I am quite happy! I just feel "Ugh." O.o I am attributing it to hormones or something. I'm not sure... well, actually, I am pretty sure it is hormones, but I don't like using that as an excuse. Rawr. Probably, when I get home from school, I shall crawl into bed, watch television, and do nothing. That sounds good.

          I have a Chemistry exam in about three hours. I know. I'm excited too. *blank stare*
I am having a "study group" with a couple of people in about ten minutes. I don't think people have quite grasped the ionic compounds involving transition metals or something like that so this will be interesting to see how everyone reacts after the test. In my personal opinion, I think the test will be fairly straightforward since you are using alot of math. Granted, I took chemistry four years ago during my sophomore year in high school so that could be the reason I feel this way. I need to knock on wood though. I studied so I hope I do well.

         I shall have to mention that the weather has been showing off for me lately. We have been having cloudy days and cool weather. I think God is doing it just for me. ;] He spoils me.

        I have to do a group project on Edgar Allan Poe in a few weeks. If you've read my past posts, you are probably aware that I despise group projects with a bitter passion. I hate them. I mean, already, my group mates haven't even corresponded with me on certain articles that we need to use. We have two weeks, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist. We need to get on it. It has to be 15-20 minutes long, and we have to incorporate some kind of activity for the class to get involved. Thankfully, I have read quite a bit of Poe's works so, at least, I'm not in the dark about it. The more I think about this, the crankier I get. Oh, lord.

       *blank stare*

Baby, It's Cold Outside

         Okay, well, the title may be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Autumn is finally arriving! *knocks on wood.* At least, I hope it is. I can't take anymore of this god-awful heat we've been having. I know... I know... a few months ago, I was welcoming the summer time and the heat; but quite frankly, I'm about as bipolar as this Texas weather so I'm done with it. I'm in the library on the third floor at school, and the windows are displaying lovely, dark, cumulus ans stratus clouds. It enhances the whole autumn ambiance.

         Today, I am wearing a Wookie shirt. Thought I'd share my wardrobe choices with you all. I know you have to be a bit jealous that I'm wearing a Wookie shirt. I don't blame you. I would be too if I were you BECAUSE IT'S THAT AWESOME. It has to be a good day if I'm wearing anything related to my beloved Star Wars.

        I have been up in Fort Worth for over three weeks, and needless to say, I'm the happiest I've been in years. I'm able to enjoy my time with good people, and I'm able to study in peace. I'm sooo very grateful that I can't even explain it. I'm a happy girl.

       I think tonight I will work on my English paper about war (I'm going towards a pro-war leaning, but most of my classmates are going anti-war) then I shall read a book. I don't know what to read though. I never finished Hunger Games... Maybe that shall be my book of choice.

            Decisions. Decisions.

In my Happy Corner

               I am sitting in my happy corner. I have to leave for my Govt. class in an about an hour so I thought I'd take a quick break from schoolwork, and blog for your own personal reading pleasure. Would you all like a run-down of my classes so far? You dooooo? Okay then. I shall oblige such a request.

History: The class is fairly straightforward. Read the textbook. Come to class. Listen to lecture. Take notes. The professor is a young Texas boy. I say young... I really mean like mid-twenties. I'm pretty sure most of the girls in my class are pretty fond of his shaved head and slightly sagging Dickeys. Speaking of girls, they really are girls; I would say they are between the ages of 16-18. I am the oldest in my class, which, I must say, is a bit refreshing considering in most the classes I've ever been in, I've been the baby.

Government: To be honest, I'm not sure HOW I feel about this class yet. The professor seems very disinterested in what she teaches. Lawyer by day. Adjunct professor by night. Ginger. Sarcastic tone with an attempt to be as politically neutral as possible. The class is 1.5 hours long, but she doesn't go that long. She prefers to end the class around 45 min. after the lecture has begun. I shall have to see how I feel about her. I distrust gingers. Hehe, just kidding.... but yeah, not really...

Chemistry Lab: Another young teacher. She looks all of 25. I really don't have much to say except we have to stand the WHOLE THREE HOURS. Oh, mah gash. My knees loathe me after that class. There are no chairs for us to sit. Standing stationary= anxious Hillary.

Statistics: If you know me, you know I'm not the biggest fan of math. Never have been. Never will be. HOWEVER, this class hasn't been to entirely god-awful *knocks on wood.* I may have just screwed myself for saying that, but it's okey day. The professor is a quirky guy. By quirky, I mean Big Bang Theory quirky. He is the kind of guy I'd discuss Star Wars with over a mean bowl of Vietnamese soup. Probably the main reason I am fond of the class so far.

English: One word to describe my English professor? LOUD. Incredibly loud. I jump every time she begins class. I think if I were super hyped up on Amp and sleep deprived, her voice could possibly be the death of me. The class isn't too bad, and I like the literary discussions we have; but it is at the cost of my eardrums.


Chemistry: My most difficult class. This is to be expected. All of my previous science classes were difficult. I enjoy a challenge though. My professor is Puerto Rican, and his accent is killer when he begins to go a bajillion miles an hour. He is incredibly helpful though. He seems to really care for his students. I think, besides the fact that the lectures are dry, the class will be a good class.

                    This is all I can think of concerning my classes besides the copious amounts of assignments and work to keep up with. I really am in my element though. I wish being a student was a profession.


               Nerd Mode: Activated.

Observations through my Glasses

                If you know me pretty well, you are probably aware that I am a fairly observant person. If you didn't know this about me, well, you learned something new this evening. I LOVE to people watch and observe my surroundings. I take pleasure in it, actually. So. I thought I would inform you all of what I have observed thus far from living in the Fort Worth area. Hehe, fun time. 

Observations

1) 7/11s and QTs: I believe I have stated this before, but I shall reiterate this for you all: They are wonderful places of magic, hope, and wonder. We don't have those back in Houston so it's like the gas station equivalent of Six Flags to me. They have Big Gulps and Amps for cheap. I adore the egg salad sandwiches at 7/11. They make my tummy smile on the inside. Check it out sometime.

2) There are no trees here. It is quite barren, actually. Back down in Houston, they have massive pine trees that could put the trees of the forests of Endor to shame.... okay... bit of an exaggeration, but I thought you all would enjoy my indulgent hyperbole. However, yes, there are patches of trees in certain areas, but, for the most part, Fort Worth is pretty open. Not much shade to be had.

3) People smile here. That's right! SMILE. I know that is almost unheard of in Houston, but up here, it's socially acceptable to show happy emotion towards another human being. I have only been up here for less than a week, but so far, I have decided that people are nicer here overall.

4) The cops are hardcore. I swear. I am going to get a ticket up here for going the speed limit. They are EVERYWHERE. Not only that, they are actually doing their job of pulling people over. The highways only go up to 60mph max, and a cop will be chillin' offside the road with his little radar gun, waiting to catch poor, sorry souls, like myself, off guard. It is bound to happen. I really need to break the habit of going 5mph. They will catch me... and they will ticket me.

5) People seem pretty proud of their Dallas teams. I see Cowboys, Mavs, and Rangers shirts and jerseys everywhere. They take more pride in their Dallas teams than Houstonians do of Houston teams. Heeheeeeeeee. My kind of people.

6) At school, people hold the door open for one another. Just saying.

7) The air is drier here. 


                  So that's all I can think of right now, but I'm pretty sure I could come up with more eventually. 

                  There is more where that came from.

I'M BAAAAAAAACK

WELL.

            It has been forever. I know. The reason being is because my computer blocked me from my  my blog for a ridiculously long time. Thankfully, it has been resolved... since I'm using a new laptop.

                WHERE SHALL I BEGIN??!!!!!
                       
         Let me start by saying that:
1) I should be sleeping right now. I am on a sleeping schedule for school once more so I am feeling really tired... and it's only 11:45. I'm allowing myself until midnight to finish tying this out. Challenge. ACCEPTED.

2) Recap on life: I moved to Fort Worth, Texas. Reasons for such a move are not necessary details so I will just say that I needed a change in my life. 

3) I missed blogging so much!!!

           So let's go.

           I have been blessed so much in the past week. My life turned upside down for the better, and I am living in a place where there is so much love and compassion. I couldn't have asked for a better place to stay.

           I am going to a new school, and yes, nursing is still my intended degree. I am taking five classes this semester: Chem, Stats, History, Govt., and English 2. This is super exciting since you all are aware (or should be) that I love to be in perpetual NERD MODE. I am in my element, and it's exciting. *gets giddy*

           I will be keeping up with school and life just like I used to........ before my stupid internetz decided it didn't like me. I have so much to say once more, and I can't wait to say it all. 




             Yeah. I'm back in the blogging game.

My Life is like Obama. It's All About Change.

                      Change. Oho, change. They say change is good. Would I agree with such a statement? I think that really depends. Right now, I would say my life is in a state of change which I currently cannot elaborate on. I am still trying to decide if this change is positive or negative. I think I'm basically numb about it right now. Don't you just love how vague I'm being? :]

                      Anyway, moving on to more important things. Summer is here. I think that sums it up right there. SUMMER IS HERE. Three months of me trying to figure out what to do with myself. I always seem to have this problem. If I am not challenging my mind for a long period of time, I go a bit crazy. I have to constantly read. I have to constantly write. I have to constantly learn. Otherwise, I get antsy. I will have to find something to occupy my time.

                   Okey day, summer. I'm ready for you.

04/20/12 Humming in the Library like a Rebel

                   OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, written in the starz, a million miles awaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. A message to the maiiiiiin, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh oh. Seasons come and gooooooooooooooo, but I will never chaaange. I'm on my waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

                 I could get myself kicked out of the library for humming, but meh. It happens. So where should I begin about my laziness and stuff? I know I haven't been keeping up with my blog at all. I suck. I know this, but my life has been so bizarre and crazy that this has, unfortunately, become an afterthought. Thankfully, summer is almost here, and I will be able to blog about all of my nerdy adventures (or lack their of.)

               So right now, I have been going hardcore on my schoolwork. It's like the last quarter of a basketball game. You have to give it your all, or it was all for nothing. My grades have been improving so I'm pleased. (Not that I had bad grades to begin with, but I would like them to be better.) I have been trying to get more sleep lately, and I can tell I'm feeling a whole lot more energetic than I used to. I feel like a lot of stress has been lifted off of me. It will be even more so during the summer time.

              I hate it when I have so much to say, but I"m not really allowed to say what I'm thinking. I know it sounds odd, but if you knew what was going on in my head, you would probably agree with me. Or not. I'm not sure.

               Blah blah blah.

*counts on fingers* ....Six More Weeks?

                     I am almost certain that I am going to lose my mind to school, if I haven't already. All my microbio labs are due. I have a retake test tonight in pharmacology (because the average grade for the class on the last test was 65. I was one of the higher grades, and that's not saying much at all.) I have a ten page microbiology paper on a bacteroid and the effects of it. I think I am doing streptococcus and gonorrhea. I promise: I prefer not doing an STI, but my professor is pushing it on us. I saw a picture in my book about how gonorrhea affects a male, and it intrigued me. Hence, I picked that STI. 

                  I have take home tests due as well in both microbiology and psychology. Oh, and I have a personality paper I have to write for psychology. A paper about MY personality. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh, lord. that's going to be fun to write. o.O 
 THEN I have a group project due in Pharm about a drug. Poster board, notecards, presentation, etc. The whole deal. I get to speak in front of people. Times like these where I'm thankful to have had a speech class. ALLLLL of this is on top of the reading I have to do. I can say with confidence that this is, by far, my hardest semester I have had in school. Hands down. 

                Why am I saying all of this? It is my way of demonstrating how excited I am for this semester to be over and done with. I have 2.5 weeks to write my micro paper. My reward for completing it? I get to go camping for a couple of days. What do I get to write when I come home from that camping trip? A personality paper. I am thinking that if I spend a whole weekend on the papers, I can get them done with. It will take some perseverance, but I can do it. I think.

               Six more weeks. Then I am free. 

                  I had my second round of shots a few days ago. My immune system must be a bit low because I had a reaction to the meningitis shot. It's a live vaccine, however, I normally don't react to vaccinations. I think I have finally recovered from it, but, daaang, that sucked so much. I had a fever and everything. All I know is that if I ever get bacterial meningitis, I'm going to be sooo mad. That shot was no fun.

                  Enough ranting for me. I have things I got to get done. *Takes a sip of Amp*


                 Let's go.

03/19/12 Well. I'm a Lazy One, Aren't I?

                     Oho, I have been so busy with my own life and whateeever, that I have neglected my poor blog. I'm sorry, Bloggie. I feel really bad for leaving you out in the dust like that. Forgive me? (My blog always takes me back.)

              Where should I start? Hmm...

        My spring break ended yesterday. Sadly, I am back in school. What was the topic of choice for my microbiology professor to start talking about? STIs. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he has a slight obsession with anal and oral... errr,... stuff. We spent two hours talking about it. I'm sorry. I really don't have the urge to discuss how anal gonorrhea can cause your rectum to erode. Yeah, I think I'm good. 

              Some of you are probably wanting a run-down on what my spring break was like, eh? Haha, well, I will not be disclosing such information because it bears a tale of monotony that I'm sure would not interest an honorable audience such as yourselves.  It most definitely had its high points. Isn't that the important thing, anyway? Yeah, that's what I thought as well.

                 Random: I have television shows that I am actually following!  I KNOW! Me. I am allowing myself to watch tv in between schoolwork.  It is a nice break for my overwork mind. Lately, I've been following New Girl and Smash. Reasons being are as follows:

New Girl: The humor is of my taste. Quirky. Off color. Not slap-stick. The main character reminds me of... yeah, me.

Smash: I like singing. Katharine McPhee can sing. Hence, I like it when she sings. It's pretty, and the show has some entertaining moments. Guilty pleasure show that I'm not proud of. 

             Football season needs to hurry up and get here before I begin to watch more pointless shows like Gossip Girl or Vampire Diaries or whatever kids watch these days... I miss my Cowboys (even though they were a bit disappointing last season.)

              I also need to be a little more consistent with my blog.

03/05/12 I'll Get Around To Writing this Blog... Eventually.

                I haven't been wanting to do ANYTHING. I can tell that Spring Break is around the corner. My mind has been so scattered (more than usual, I mean) and I've been struggling to keep my thoughts focused on one thing. No, wait.... that's not true. I can keep my thoughts focused on the things that I want to keep my thoughts focused on. The question is "What does Hillary want to keep her thoughts focused on?" Heh, yeah. 

               I may be getting a new Pharmacology professor. My current one said she was going in for a procedure. She never clarified that certain procedure was going to be a double cardiac bypass.                                                
                                                            O.o

Most likely, she will have to rest for quite a while. Now I'm going to have a new person. Great. I'm going to have to figure out her teaching style. Grrrrrr. Summer needs to get here already so I can be done with these professors.

                I've been tempted more to either 1) be outside doing something or 2) stay indoors and play video games. Not much else. Just things that relax my mind so I don't have to think about school work/ my job. Part of being "grown up", I suppose. 

                  I've been here at the library for three hours now. I'm happy to say that I got my EDGTs done for the week. I did a lot of work so far today.



                           Time to play? Yes. I think so. 
  

02/20/12 Slowly Turning Nocturnal

             One hour of sleep last night (or this morning.) Ohoho, it was so amazing. Thankfully, I didn't hit REM sleep, or I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. It was just enough to refresh my mind. This is what studying for microbiology and psychology exams does to you. O.O

              The best thing about working at night time is the fact that I'm alone in the night. Everyone has gone to sleep, and it's just me. I love that. Gives me a chance to breathe freely.

              I got my first exam done for the day. I'm pretty sure I didn't fail it so I will take that. I have one more. Then I go home. I sleep for an hour. I go close in charge at work. I go home. I study. I try to sleep. I wake up for work. I work. I go to Pharmacology. I take test. I go back to work. I go home. I study. I pass out. I may have to try to eat somewhere in there too. It can be done.

             SO.... I'm supposed to be working on this "motivation" journal thingy where I'm supposed to work on changing a behavior about myself for psychology. My problem is is that I don't know what I want to change. I have plenty to change. My face is super expressive. I drink too many energy drinks. I bite at my nailbeds when I'm nervous. I stare off blankly. I leave hair in my dad's hairbrush. I steal sips of drinks from my dad and brother without permission. I hum to myself a lot. My list can go on and on and on. I'm having a problem trying to focus on one behavior. I suppose I'll just have to pick one, and do it quickly. Maybe I should work on trying to take care of myself for once............... HAHAHAHAHA, nahhhhhhhhhhh.

                       I'll figure out something.

           

02/18/11 4a.m.

                I'm not just awake right now. I'm wide awake. There is no falling asleep for me. I'm looking outside the window and I see the lightning flashing. The thunder is rolling. It makes the atmosphere so much more relaxed. I wish I had a porch so I could go outside and watch the storm. I suppose I'll stay right here at the window.

                If I go to bed now, I can get 2.5 hours of sleep before my 8-3 shift at work. Meh, I don't know if it's worth it.

                   I think I need a hug.

02/17/12

                 I'm sitting in my bedroom right now with music in my ears, and one of my favorite candles lit. I've decided to write this blog in here just because this is where I'm at my

most comfortable. MY room. The only place I can just relax and let myself think. Besides

my car, of course. I'm kind of at a loss at what to listen to right now. Muse is currently in

my ears, but I don't think I'll listen to this for long.

                 I learned something about myself. I think I get slightly scared when people

ask me about myself. I'm frightened when people want to know about me. I think the

reason being is that it's not something I'm used to. Like I really know my friends. I knowww

them. However, only a couple have taken the time to ask me questions about me. Have actually

taken the time to figure out who I am as a person. And you know that rare connection you can

have with someone? I've only experienced that once. That one connection that you can't really

explain.

                 This is definitely a different thought process tonight. I normally try to think with logic, but right now, I don't even care about logic. I'm only going with what my feelings and emotions are telling me. My emotions scare me. I don't like to think with them. Emotions can lead you to irrational, stupid thoughts.... But... it can also lead you to a better understanding to what is

around you. It has it's pros and cons. I feel that if I made decisions based off emotion, I would

end up getting hurt. Not in any specific area of life, but just in general. My feelings make me

more vulnerable as a person, and I don't like that. I don't reveal my emotions well. I don't vent

well. I don't cry well. Trust me: if I went with what my heart went with, I would be a completely

different person.

                 I don't want to be judged for this blog. I'm only being completely honest. This

is a side of me that rarely comes out, or, at least, for others to see. The vulnerable Hillary that is scared of her own thoughts. I'm just not sure what I'm thinking right now. I mean,

I just went on a tangent. I completely lost the concept of this blog. That ought to tell you something. My focus is shot. My poor fingers are getting bitten like there's no tomorrow. That's how fast my thoughts are racing.

                                     *exhales*

02/15/12 I Procrastinate on Stupid Stuff

                There are some things that I just need to get DONE. They are stupid things too. I'm just being lazy about it.

 Opthamologist appointment (eye doctor): I hate the eye doctor, but I need new glasses. I just have a subtle discomfort going to the eye doctor because 1) The eye surgery I had as a little girl, and 2) I hate getting dilated.

 Stupid Hepatitis Frickin' B shots: I just don't know where to get them done. True story.

 Return library books: It's a good thing that my library is so lenient on me because I have books out from months ago.

 Get a new bowling ball: Ummm, yeah, I really don't have a "reason" for that one. I'm just busy.

 Read Harry Potter books?: I'm thinking about not doing this one. 











                    I learned my lesson when I didn't do my defensive driving on time for a ticket.... Seeeeee, when you procrastinate on serious stuff, you get court dates like me where you get to stand in front of a judge and plead your minute little case about a $200 ticket you got at 2a.m. a couple of days before your birthday because you happen to forget to notice a speed limit change on a desolate road in the middle of the night. Oh, and your inspection sticker is expired.... 

                         It can happen to anyone. 

 

02/13/12

Yes, I am gone.
That much is true.
But, please know,
My heart is with you.

My life cut short
So quickly it seems.
Not even a chance
To live out my dreams.

You may weep,
And be filled with sorrow.
Waking up
Without me tomorrow.

But, please listen:
I cry not.
For I have found
The Love I have sought.

I'm happy with Him.
My Lord, so dear.
For this, I will not
Shed a tear.

My joy is overflowing.
My eyes shine with ardour
as I stand before
My heavenly Father.

In His time,
You also will see
His glorious Love.
Just like me.

It may not seem just
That I should go.
But I am rejoicing,
For I am Home.



-------Hillary Hardin

02/08/12 *bites lip*

             I'm sitting in the library at school, and I look over to my left. I glance at this guy who  is looking through a website called "Godhatefags.com." In my mind, I was like "O.O NOOOO. He doesn't!!!! Don't be a hater!" So I look over again.... turns out this guy is 1) a girl and 2) wearing Gay Pride bracelets. *facepalm* SO, for this, I can understand her possibly looking through that website. However, I just want to tell the poor girl that God doesn't hate gay people. I shall refrain... considering she doesn't agree with me on this (obviously...) 

                 I'm wearing one of my favorite metal shirts today so today has to be a good day. Microbiology class wasn't the worst I've ever had. Last night, however, was a different story. The pharm class was a bit crazy just because the professor was being condescending towards all the students while we were going over the results of the test we took. There are only three men in the class. The rest (including the professor) are all women. Oh, and me. As you can imagine, the estrogen was freely flowing through the room. The men were wise to keep their mouths shut while the rest of the women began getting a bit catty with the professor and each other.  I just sat there. Wide eyed and slightly uncomfortable. I just wanted to know the answers. I'm not going to go arguing with a professor who is working towards her doctorate in nursing. I ain't that stupid. The LVNs, on the other hand, don't seem to have the same mindset. Only three more months of this. 

                    

02/06/12 I Hate Mondays. Oh, and Tuesdays.

             I'm writing this quickly in between my Microbio and Psych class. This is the semester where I'm really going to have to show what I've got. I'm really determined. I only need a C or higher in Pharmacology and Microbiology, but I'm overly ambitious. I don't want to leave both classrooms without having an A. That's my goal, and I plan on making it.

            Mondays and Tuesdays wear me out. Life is good after 1:15 on Wednesdays, but until then, I'm being worn down with school, work, homework, and lack of sleep. Thursday is EASILY the best day of the week for me. It's the one day where I have nothing that I actually have to do. I'm my most relaxed on Thursday. People get on my nerves the most on Mondays and Tuesdays. If it were up to me, I would wear earplugs on both of those days just so I didn't have to hear the loud noise and voices all around me. It's hard for me to get my thoughts straight in the first place. Add distractions like that, and you have a very scattered Hillary.

            I really wish it were summer already. I know. It's really sad that I'm already thinking about summer, but it's true. I want that free time again to hang out with the people I love, and just let myself breath again. Can I have summer now? Pretty please? It really isn't too much to ask. It has to come anyway sooooo why not now, eh?

               A girl can dream.

02/05/12

              It's hard when you lose a family member, even if you didn't know them very well. When you see other people hurting and mourning, you don't know what to do. It hurts my heart. Losing a family member is a big deal to me. We share the same blood. The same roots. I just hate seeing others in pain...

            

02/03/12 I Can't Think of a Title Today O.o

               For the fun of it, I'm going to change the font and font size. Got to keep things fresh!

Wow... This is an obnoxiously large font. I really like how the guy sitting next to me in the library is reading what I'm typing, but not really. He needs to keep his eyes on his own computer. What does my blog look like? A newspaper? I can play that game. Let's see what he's looking at! Umhmmm, yep. Facebook.... mmhmmmm, yeah, looking through photos of a girl showing major cleavage. That's so dang attractive, I can barely contain myself. I can hear his breathing changing as he looks through ALL her photos. Let's go. 


        So I may or may not be in one of my moods today. I'm in a pretty good mood considering I slept well for the first time in a while. I really needed that sleep. I feel pretty relaxed. 

            Sadly, I have to work today, but I get off at 7:30. I am thrilled that I don't have to close. This makes me very happeh. 




         Yeah, that's all I got today. My mind isn't wanting to write.  




          

Randomness About Me: Part Whatever.

-I like to hide in my hoodies.

- I taught myself how to type on a keyboard without looking when I was 10.

- My little ears used to be pierced, but I refuse to have them pierced again.

- I have problems staying awake on rainy days.

- I wanted braces. I never got braces. It's okay though.

- I like to lie out on my truck at night when it's clear outside. Sometimes I'll either sing/hum to myself, or just sit there silently and think.

- A lot of people around me know I like Hello Kitty.... but I LOVE Tweety Bird.      Tweety Bird>Hello Kitty.

- I really am like sweet and sour sauce. o.O

- I used to have a bad sleepwalking problem.

- I've never driven any kind of truck.

- I don't know how to drive manually.

- I think tattoos on guys are cool. I think tattoos on girls..... meh, not so much. Depends on where it is.

- I eat whipped cream out of a can straight......

-...... and packets of ketchup.

- When I don't want someone to recognize/ notice me, I take my glasses off. It's really difficult for most people to tell who I am without my glasses on.

- Every week, I clip coupons out of my Sunday newspaper.

- Japanese anime scares me :/

- I like eating vegetables :D Except for green beans. Green beans can go to the Bad Place.

- Play me in Scrabble sometime. REAL Scrabble. Not this Words with Friends thing on Facebook. Just do it.

- My dad is the only person who has ever beaten me at air hockey. Yes, I even beat the boys. (I think my brother may have beaten me once, but I had mono so that doesn't count.)

- I am the most quiet sleeper you'll ever meet.











So yeah.

01/30/12 Acutane is Crazy Stuff :O

               I just got out of microbiology class, and we discussed acids and bases and macromolecules and blah blah blahhhhh. Then, all of a sudden, we got onto the topic of Acutane, the drug from hell used for acne, normally in teenagers. I've read up on Acutane before, but whenever we talk about it in class, I pay attention. That stuff is crazy. Like seriously. It can cause severe depression and suicidal thoughts in young people, especially guys. Imagine: you're a 14,15,or 16 year old guy with acne. You doctor says "Here ya go! Acutane! It's like a miracle drug!" You take it for awhile and realize, "Hey! This stuff really works!" But at what cost? Suicidal thoughts because of an acne drug??? Because the stupid FDA didn't realize the affects it had on young men, many of them have/had depression because of it. Many also committed suicide. A young person's prefrontal cortex isn't even fully developed by that time so their thought processes haven't hit that rational level yet. GRRRRR.


                I don't know why this frustrates me so much. I'm very sensitive towards medication. That's probably the reason. Doctors should know better. The FDA should know better. Heck, they spend millions upon millions of dollars to test these drugs before they put them on the market. You would think they would be able to tell the adverse effects before giving it out to the masses.

               Anyway, my microbio professor said that your own urine can work just as welll as acutane. It's safer too. Go figure. O.o

               Yeah, I'm done with my monologue now. I just found all of that ridiculous.

01/24/12 Snuggled in my Blanket

               Tonight is one of those nights where I could happily be snuggled up in my blanket, and watch a good movie. Comfortable pjs and all. Yes, sounds good to me! The only obstacle that is standing in my way is my homework that I need to have completed by tomorrow at 9a.m. Hmmm, I am contemplating on how I can get my way in this situation, but I have achieved nothing. Microbiology still has control of my present circumstances. This is unfortunate. Curse you, school. You have beaten me once more.

                Lyrics that have been stuck in my head all day:

All of her days have gone soft and cloudy.
All of her dreams have gone dry.
All of her nights have gone sad and shady.
She's getting ready to fly.
Fly away. Fly away.



                 If anyone knows those lyrics then you 1) are amazing and I love you, 2) have proven to be just as much of a nerd/geek/dork as me, and 3) it's okay because I still love you. No, I shall not tell you what these lyrics are. If you don't know them off hand, then, well, that's okay. I forgive you. (No, I'm still not telling you what the lyrics are. If you are so curious, then let the all-knowing Google tell ya.



            The end.

01/18/12 Disclaimer: My Microbio Professor was Talking About Questionable Stuff

                    I had my first class yesterday. It was my pharmacology class. A three hour night class once a week. I was easily the youngest in the class. The rest of the women (yeah, only two guys... bless their hearts) and most of them had established careers. I would say about two-thirds of the women were LVNs going to become RNs. Immediately upon entering the class, we jumped right in. We discussed the calculation math, and the drug cards that we would have to be doing. It was interesting stuff. I have six chapters due by Tuesday, but I'm not worried about it.

                    The microbiology class was, um, cool. Okay, straight up: I already established myself as not only the baby of the class, but the blond. Go figure. My teacher, Dr. Makukutu, is African. He said he was very proud of being African. He then goes on to speak figuratively (which I didn't catch onto), saying that Africans never get diseases. My eyes went like "O.o" and I was like "Hehehehe, what?" In MY head, I thought he was serious. The African and AIDs thingy popped in my head, but yeah, anyway, he kind of failed in the sarcasm department. He saw my confused expression and asked me to explain why I was so confused. I just looked at him like he was asking for my soul. Someone had to tell me "Oh, he was just speaking figuratively about his culture." I just nodded and said, " I missed the figurative part. Hehehe, yeah..... *slowly looks down and turns pink*" Everyone kind of giggled, and that was a running joke for the rest of the class period (three hours.)

                  Amazingly enough, that wasn't the most awkward part of the class. It was when he decided to bring up a discussion about... Wait. Okay, before I say he talked about, may I have the liberty to be completely frank? I don't want to offend anyone. Okay? Good? Good. He begins to discuss his research on "fecal transplanting" and how successful it was. Yes, what you think it is, it actually is. If that wasn't awkward enough (especially his description of it), he moves on to discuss the "SILENT EPIDEMIC." That, my friends, is the diseases transmitted through various methods due to one's *cough cough* sexual preferences and practices. In other words, STIs are easily transmitted through fecal matter when one conducts the act of anal intercourse. THE REASON I'm explaining this is because if you could only see the expression on everyone's face in the classroom when he went into detail about it. One girl even got a bit sick from the idea. I just sat there.... disgusted/embarrassed/slightly intrigued. As you can probably already imagine, it was one of the oddest three hours of my life. One day down. Four months to go.



                   *facepalm*

01/15/12

              This past year has easily been one of the most inconsistent, volatile years of my life. That is saying a lot. I never know what to expect anymore. It's getting to the point where I'm almost afraid of what the next day will bring me. I don't understand. Maybe I should just go back to being the quiet, reserved Hillary. It would probably save me a lot of problems. I'm really done speaking my thoughts. All they do is cause problems.

              Today was my last real weekend. Tomorrow I work and then I start school back on Tuesday. It's time to get back to life and being an "adult" again.

01/13/12

              There are so many things I can ramble on about right now, but I'm going to try to keep my thoughts as focused as I possibly can. I'm somewhat frustrated so it's very easy for me to veer off mentally.

              Eh, forget it. I just feel like punching something. Really hard.

01/11/12 It's All About the Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew Now

            Amp Withdrawal Day One: I felt pretty good this morning. Went to two appointments today, came home, and took a nap. I woke up around 5:30p.m. and my head began to pound from the inside out. Dr. Pepper to the rescue! It has some kind of caffeine in it so it should help. *takes a sip*

             I've been on somewhat of a writing rampage lately. The deepest thoughts of a quirky nerd. Oh, yes, because they are oh, so interesting. "The Memoirs of a Quirky Nerd" they shall be called when I'm gone from this world! I'll be like the next Emily Dickinson. A reclusive young woman afraid of the most irrational things who became famous after her death for her untitled poems. Except I'm not reclusive..... and I don't have any irrational fears (unless you call being afraid of snakes and enclosed water slides irrational.... okay, I can kind of see how the water slide one could be just a bit irrational, but I have my reasons for that fear. I'm slowly working on it.)  Anywayyyyy, so yeah. Maybe I won't be the next Emily Dickinson of our time. In fact, I can say with all confidence that I won't be, but maybe I can write something worth reading after I'm dead. Because I can tell you now: no one will be reading anything that I write without my permission. Oh, and my journals are off-limits too. No one is allowed to even THINK about touching those. Hence, me thinking that anyone would be reading anything I write after I'm dead. See? I have this all planned out!

                Random thought: I have been completely blown away by the beauty of the night sky this past week. If I have time, I go outside, lie on the back of my truck, and just stare at the sky. The moon last night especially was gorgeous. I love the stars. I love the moon. Mmhmm, I know. I'm a dork, but I dooooooooooooooo. It's so pretttttttttttttttttttttttttttttty.

                Maybe I'll go stare at the sky tonight.

01/10/12

               No more Amp for a month. One month. Due to my competitive nature, I took a bet that I could stop drinking Amp for one month. This is going to be quite a struggle (I've been drinking Amp since September of 2009. Yes.... I even know the month for when my addiction started. Don't judge.) I've taken a bet like this before where I couldn't drink Amp for two weeks. Somehow I managed to do it. I'm thinking because I like challenges so much that I should be able to do this. Lord...

             

01/06/12 Productiveness

               I've gotten everything I need to get done, DONE. I'm finally sleeping again. I'm working out again. School starts in about two weeks. I've been reading a lot lately. That's taken much of my time. I'm beginning to review the past year's school information for my HESI. I have to get my Hep shots (a six month round) soon. Otherwise, I've gotten everything I need for right now. Thank goodness.

               The only thing I ask right now is to stop thinking for a while. 

01/04/12 Patience was Never my Virtue

                 Two major characteristics I have: 1) Stubbornness and 2) Lack of patience. I think the first could be a fault and a virtue. The second? Yeah, that's definitely a negative thing, at times. HOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER, it could be used as a positive thing.

Example:

I want to be a nurse. 
I'm not patient. I want to be a nurse NOW.
I'm stubborn, and want my way. So I'm trying to become a nurse ASAP.
Hence, me working incredibly hard (due to my stubborn ambition to get my way driven by my 
impatience.)







See how that works?



              I don't know. It makes sense in my head. The more I want something, the harder I fight for it. My impatience and stubbornness are both blessings and curses. Blessing when it comes to school. The sooner I'm out of school, the sooner I can get to where I want to be in life (which definitely is not where I am in my present circumstances.) 

           It's funny though. In specific areas of my life, I can be incredibly patient. I think my stubbornness fuels that too. 




                    I shouldn't be allowed to think at two in the morning.

01/02/12 Got Dissed for being a Virgo O.o

                I don't believe in astrology. It's against my beliefs, but I was curious and I looked up what my sign stood for. The reason being is because someone asked me what my sign was, and when I told them, they were slightly disgusted. o.O I'm a virgo (virgin maiden) and I never gave any thought to it. So I just looked up what a virgo was and it's a bit scary. If I believed in that stuff, I'd take it seriously. It described me almost perfectly. Discrimination, analysis, calculation, courage, loyalty, pride, tidiness, warmth, kindliness, creativity, freedom-loving, materialism, stability, duality, intelligence  were the words that describe a Virgo. Apparently I'm somewhat compatible with Pisces and Sagittariuseseses. *giggles* This is funny stuff.  I shouldn't be dissed because of a sign that I don't even believe in.

            This is fun to look at anyway :P

01/01/12 A Glimpse at my New Years Resolution List

                    New year :) A way for me to completely clean my slate and start fresh. I  love making lists so it's time to share a little bit of my New Years resolution list (by the way, I"m not wearing my glasses right now so if I screw up in typing, that's why. I'm too lazy to fix to get my glasses right now.)

                    My New Years Resolutions (well, some of them.)

P.S. The bold font is so I can see the letters without my glasses more clearly. Just FYI.

1) Wearing scrubs in the fall. I made Phi Theta Kappa like I wanted last year, so this is my big goal this year.

2) Get new glasses. Still considering contacts.... the reason this is a goal is because I've been putting this off for two years now. 

3) Maintain a good GPA in school. 

4) I want to get back into working out. Slowly. That way, by summer, I'll be a bit more prepared.

5) Keep my car clean!!!! If you've seeen the inside of my car, you'd understand.

6) I'll put Splashtown on this list again for the third year in a row. Lord.

7) A road trip. I want to go somewhere.

8) Possibly write a song that I was starting, but just gave up on.

                Yeah, I have more on my list, but that's basically it. The number one on my list is to be happy this year. I told myself I wouldn't never let myself go through what I went through last year. This year needs to be a happier one. I thiink that could happen. Knowing my ambitious nature, it will happen.

          (I hope.)