12/30/11 Minor Details that I May Need to Take Care Of

               WebMD is handy, especially for me lately. First, I have this mass thing in my arm (which I told myself I'd get taken care of in the beginning of this new year.) Now, I'm looking up something that I've never had to before: chest flutters. O.o O.o O.o Errrm. Yeah, I kind of give up. The past few days, I've noticed that the area around my heart flutters. It feels like a bird beating its wings on the inside of my chest. A few times, it's taken my breath away. It's pretty unnerving, especially when you're alone. Yesterday, I decided to keep count of how many times it happens when I'm awake. It happened 13 times. Just randomly too. Sitting on the couch, relaxing with my book and then there goes my chest.

               I told my dad and he says I may have an irregular heart beat. He thinks it's due to stress. Hehe, perfect. Considering the copious amounts of stress I go through daily, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm almost tempted to go running to see what my heart will do. Get my heart rate up to about 180 bpms and see if it can handle it. I guess there's only one way to find out.

             If this doesn't go away soon, I'm going to have to get it taken care of. Asdfghkl.

12/30/11 Hard.

                  Sometimes it's the little bits of encouragement you get that can help me. It makes me think that maybe I'm doing SOMETHING right. Through all of the hardships and trials, that little bit can be enough to help me keep going in the right direction. I just want to do the right thing. Whatever God wants out of me. I'm not saying that I'm trying to be goody two shoes, judgmental person. My thinking is that if I don't judge you for how you are or what you believe, I hope you can return the favor towards me. I just want to do things the right way. It's hard when I feel like the world is against me. I'm stubborn though.

                It has to be worth it all in the end.

12/29/11

                   I hate mono so badly. It's because of mono that I have this stupid condition called fibromyalgia. It hurts so badly. I can't explain the pain very well, but you get knots in your muscles when you're tired, fatigued, or have been working out too much. I'm fatigued so I'm having a bad round of it right now.

                  I have enjoyed being here at home by myself. Just my dogs and I. It's been very peaceful. I can actually hear myself think. Heck, I can sing without someone telling me to shut up. That's enough for me to be happy right there. Now I've just been cleaning and doing laundry. It's been pretty relaxed today.

                  Too much is running through my head right now to put down, but I can say that.. well, eh, never mind.

                  Time to watch a movie with myself and the puppies.

12/24/11 What a Way to Spend Christmas

              Truth: I don't get super sick very often.
              Lie: I handle being sick very well.
           
        I'm sick and my dad and brother are leaving to go out of town tomorrow. I'm going to have to take care of myself for a week. My fever is trying to go away, but it's not being very successful. So all I've been doing is writing and killing brain cells by downloading music off of the internet.

        Even though I'm sick, I'm not in a bad mood. Listening to music, writing random stuff, and whatever else isn't too bad. Yeah, I have a headache, fever, chills, and stuff, but at least I'm resting for once in my life. Spending time with the dad isn't too bad either. He and I trying to figure out the MP3 converter on our computer? Yeah, time with my dad.

        I can't complain too much :3

12/22/11

              I learned these past couple of days that I have limits to what I will or will not do. I think this is a good thing. I think for once in my life, I really don't have much to say. This doesn't happen very often. First thing I did when I got home? Put on some heavy metal. Ahhhhh, so comforting. I feel at ease once more. Time to unwind.

12/19/11 *Sniffles*

               *sniffles* My nose is not agreeing with me. Neither is my chest. Or head. Or body. I think I have a case of the Sniffles (or the Suds for all you Spongebob fans.... or not.) It's all good though. I've had it for a couple of days now so it will go away soon. Happens everyyyy year.

               Today and tomorrow I work closing shifts at work, but after that? I have two days off and morning shifts. YESSSS. This makes life a lot easier for me. :) I will actually get to enjoy my evenings this week!


               "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is playing in my ears right now. I thought I'd share that. Random thought: Depressing music makes me happy. "Fade to Black"? I've been in love with that song for four years and counting. Is that odd that I'm like that...? I don't know. Hmm. I'm not much into love songs. There are only a handful of songs that I like that are love songs. I think it's my cynical, jaded side that has caused that. :P Then again, there is still that handful of love songs that I do like.

                Don't ya just love my random tangents? :D

12/18/11

               Rainbow Twizzlers. These are really good. *takes a bite of Twizzler* They are mind-numbing and delicious. * takes another bite.*

                Yeah, that's all I got. O.o

12/16/11 I Apologize for Typos

               I'm not wearing my glasses right now (because I'm too lazy to get up and get them) so if there are typos, I'm sorry. I can kind of see what I'm typing anyway.

              Speaking of glasses, I finally have an eye appointment to get some new ones. I thought about getting contacts, but I'm thinking they're not for me.I do neeed a new prescription for lenses though.

             I slept in today without guilt of sleeping in today. I slept well for once! I even had a good dream. Yayyyyyyy!  I checked my grades for this semester, and I endedd with A's in three of my classes. The other class (Anatomy and Physiology 2) is still pending. It will either be an A or a B. Either way, I'm content! No more forced all-nighters for studying and papers.

             :)

It Kind of Just Hit Me at 5-Something in the Morning :)

                MMMmmmm, okay. The deepest things can come to you late at night. They really can. So I guess I should start by saying that, yes, I have been in a little bit of a depressed state. I think... yeah, a depressed state. It's hard to tell with me since I'm just a fairly happy person. I think the real sign that I've been a little down is I've been a little more anti-social than I usually am. That's because I've been more pensive and contemplative. The point is this: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my cynical, sarcastic, terrible attitude lately. It's not me. That's why you may notice all of my past blogs are deleted. I am a happy, bubbly person. I love laughing. I love smiling. I love the little things! I've been caught up with my issues at school and home that I forgot to do these things.

              Some of you are probably like "This must have to do with _________." No. No. No. There are worse things in this world than relationship drama or school or work or anything else. You know what's worse than all of that? The past. It hit me last night at like 5-something when I couldn't fall asleep: I have to let go of my past. I prayed for a long while, and I can tell you right now: I feel like me again. God has given me so much in my life, and that is what I should be grateful for. I do have people who care about me, I do have a future, I have a God that wants the best for me. I know this, but I've strayed away from this. Not anymore. Hillary is back in her right mind, and I refuse to let my past get in the way anymore.


               Philippians 4:8---- Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy----- meditate on these things. <3